Mrs. Scared to Death

Hi, All. I'm back.

Semester is done and here are the results...

Not bad. It got me a partial academic scholarship (never thought I would say that) in addition to my full-ride leadership scholarship that I have again for next semester.

I'm pretty happy with the results-all things considered. Being a newlywed, taking 17 credits, working 20 hours and then being director over an events program (volunteer)...it got crazy. In fact, Nephi and I almost cried driving out of town on our first vacation. We were so happy, relieved and had some legitimate bagagge and angst against this semester. The hard part for me, personally, was that I had so many classes to work on, it was hard for me to just enjoy one. I gave about equal amount to each class, in the end, but didn't fancy one over the other. I did learn a lot and felt immense growth and more drive towards graduating and starting a 'real job'.

This is where the real tears come in...

No more excuses, it's time to start applying for my first 'real job' post graduation. My emotions race daily with the thought of what is going to happen in December when I graduate.

Am I going to be one of those graduates who has a job lined up and walks into the office first Monday after graduation? Am I going to be one of those graduates that wakes up the day after graduation, grabs the classifieds and starts applying? Or, am I going to be one of those graduates that is going to start applying early, to 15 + places, get 2 interviews and have nothing to show for it except 15 different cover letters?

I fear all 3, especially option 3.

Ambiguity in life plans has never been my strong suit. I am working on it but I do have a strong belief in a system that has worked for me in the past - work your butt off, pray, be good, follow-up and be yourself and things will work out. This theory has proven to work, however, I am still scared to death...

This is where I am at. Thinking every waking hour about where I will be in 5 months. How I will support my husband. How I will feel accomplished. How I will stayed motivated when pushed down. How I will hold back all the tears.

I don't know, but I am willing to find out and prove my theory, right.

Wish me l u c k. (And let me know if you hear of any job openings in eastern Idaho)